I'm looking forward to the upcoming Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe videogame. I'm not looking forward to playing it, as such. I'm not really into fighting games, mostly because they have these huge lists of moves that I feel I have to memorize in order to get anywhere. The actual game ends up like an extremely fast, violent trivia contest:

'For 45 Hit Points: What is the proper response when your opponent is launching a Double Chainsaw Uppercut Blast?'

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'Well, Bob, I believe the answer would be GAAAARGH GOODBYE STERNUM I'LL MISS YOU!'

So while I'm probably not going to buy the game, I am looking forward to it existing as an actual product in the real universe, because the whole concept is nose-pokingly ludicrous.

To begin with, there's Superman.

Superman-based interactive entertainment products tend to be very bad, because an accurate Superman game would have one button labeled 'Use Powers' and you would press it and win.

With the upcoming Mortal Kombat vs. DC videogame on the horizon, you may be asking everyone around you, 'I wonder what other matchups would make for a good fighting game?'

Video produced by Annaliza Savage and edited by Michael Lennon
For more, visit video.wired.com. How long is Sub-Zero going to stand up against someone who can picnic on Pluto? Even considering that Subby's powers are magic, and thus can actually affect Superman, then all Supes has to do is fly into the upper atmosphere (Up, Up, High Punch) and fry Zero with his heat vision from 50 miles away (Down, Back, Down, Low Kick, Give Opponent the Finger). From Sub-Zero to Well-Done in eight seconds flat.

Yeah, some of the Mortal Kombat characters are gods and stuff, but the fact remains that they can be torn in half by a movie star, a vulnerability that is not on Superman's bizarre list of weaknesses.

But that's great! I'm tired of reasonable matches. I was exhausted by Enterprise vs. Imperial Star Destroyer arguments 10 years ago, but I'm terribly amused by the idea of an Imperial Star Destroyer against, say, the Kon-Tiki. Especially if you can figure out a scenario in which the raft wins.

So let's make this happen! I desire an endless series of videogames that pit an overpowered team against hapless underdogs! Here are a few to get you started, game-designing people.

DC vs. AC/DC

If a guy named 'Reptile' has a chance against any given member of the Justice League, then Australia's crowd-mooningest rockers should have a shot as well. Just as it looks like Angus Young is down for the count, he can use his ultimate final move: YouTube AMV Barrage! Nobody can stand up to dozens of crappy homemade videos for 'Highway to Hell'!

Street Fighter vs. Strawberry Shortcake

Old version, new version, banned Penny Arcade version, whatever. I just want to see Plum Puddin' take on M. Bison. I also want them to come out with a series of scented Street Fighter dolls. Zangief smells like jellied veal!

SoulCalibur vs. Animal Crossing

This is a game that I would definitely play, but not against other people, or for that matter against the computer. I would just set Tom Nook up as the second character and have him stand there, then I'd play Astaroth and slice him into Tanuki Patties over and over again. Here's your mortgage payment, Nook! I'll just make the check out to 'Pulpy Mass of Laceractions!'

Mortal Kombat vs. Frightened Grocery Store Employees

Who will win the battle? An undead ninja or a middle-age, cowering cashier? Can Raiden possibly stand up to the awesome power of a catatonic bag boy? If you can beat all the main characters, you finally face down the big boss: the lifeless corpse of Barney Kroger!

Everyone vs. the Guy in This Coffee Shop Who's Running His Entire Business by Cellphone in a Very Loud Voice

Seriously guy, shut up.

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Born helpless, nude and unable to provide for himself, Lore Sjöberg eventually overcame these handicaps to become a street fighter, a street sweeper and a streetwalker.